In the Beginning
The day I found Mycro, I called my friend Lucky, who had milk goats. 'Hey, Lucky, I know our delivery date is not for another 3 days but I have a baby in need of your goat's milk.' Lucky was at our door within the hour. I learned a very long time ago that goat's milk has a better chance at saving a baby's life than anything else. Lucky kept tabs on Mycro up until the day we left Malaysia.
Mycro would expand like a tick every time he ate, soon causing another health crisis.
In the beginning I stayed emotionally unattached knowing Mycro had a 50% survival rate. Less when he became constipated and had a serious sinus infection from not nursing correctly. I continued my duty as a care taker.
His ears. We called them 'airplane ears'. 2 little wings sticking out.
After a few days of being alive, his blue colored tongue and black skin developed.
Mycro would expand like a tick every time he ate, soon causing another health crisis.
In the beginning I stayed emotionally unattached knowing Mycro had a 50% survival rate. Less when he became constipated and had a serious sinus infection from not nursing correctly. I continued my duty as a care taker.
His ears. We called them 'airplane ears'. 2 little wings sticking out.
After a few days of being alive, his blue colored tongue and black skin developed.
Finding Mycro
Video by William Curtis
We filmed this after we came back from living in the Balkans for two years. Mycro is 3 years old here.
The Ruff
Mycro was given a Ruff by a Bulgarian friend. His Granny had knitted it from wool that her sheep produced. She was long gone. Our Bulgarian friend loved Mycro so much that he wanted to pass on this wonderful handmade gift. It was a tube and fit perfectly over Mycro's head, neck and chest.
Bulgaria gets cold in the winter: heavy snow and ice.
We were outside all the time. Exploring the mountains, the city, the wastelands.
I could not tell you what species of plant it is nor what the locals call it. When you pass through there are these seeds/burrs that hitch hick onto everything. The ruff had been laying on the floor waiting to be used when Mycro picked it up, brought it over and proceeded to carefully pick the burrs off. His intelligence was incredible!
Bulgaria gets cold in the winter: heavy snow and ice.
We were outside all the time. Exploring the mountains, the city, the wastelands.
I could not tell you what species of plant it is nor what the locals call it. When you pass through there are these seeds/burrs that hitch hick onto everything. The ruff had been laying on the floor waiting to be used when Mycro picked it up, brought it over and proceeded to carefully pick the burrs off. His intelligence was incredible!
'Lonija, where's my dog?'
There are only 3 humans Mycro loved, minus his mommy & daddy. Lonija was one of these humans. She lived with Mycro and I and taught at our studio in Laos.
They played together everyday. Mycro would drag her scarf to her, thrash it and ask to play tug. One day towards the beginning of their relationship I asked her: 'where is my dog?', because he always would be at my mosquito net asking to be up on the bed for our night time ritual. This time he wasn't there. Lonija sent me the photo above, with his belly exposed, happily sleeping with Lonija.
I never stopped training Mycro. It was our daily activity. Lonija captured a few of these sweet moments. He was 5 years old here.
They played together everyday. Mycro would drag her scarf to her, thrash it and ask to play tug. One day towards the beginning of their relationship I asked her: 'where is my dog?', because he always would be at my mosquito net asking to be up on the bed for our night time ritual. This time he wasn't there. Lonija sent me the photo above, with his belly exposed, happily sleeping with Lonija.
I never stopped training Mycro. It was our daily activity. Lonija captured a few of these sweet moments. He was 5 years old here.
Jackels
There was land a friend owned 25km outside of Vientiane. Mycro and I would go out there occasionally to enjoy some quiet nature time together. Our friend kept a hut on stilts semi working for us. It was far out at the edge of their property next to a small river. Only a 4 wheel drive or a scooter could reach the land from the main road and even then vehicles would get stuck in the dry sand pits. It was surreal to get dropped off at an unmarked location somewhere in the jungle and to give a loose time and day to meet for the drive home.
The 30 minute walk to the property was always peaceful.
At the cross road, before one would turn left and walk along my friend's property line, on this particular day a black dog stood there waiting for us. I thought to myself 'That's a weird looking dog' and then put it out of my mind. Mycro didn't have his normal reaction nor a reaction at all. He is afraid of other dogs and gets aggressive to scare them off. This time he didn't. We were on the homestretch and my mind was occupied with hugging my friends whom I hadn't seen in a while, so I did not analyze anything.
To settle Mycro in the hut that we would be staying at for the week, I needed to roll a log to the entrance in order for Mycro to jump up onto the platform that was almost 2 meters tall. His ability to settle and stay is amazing. As long as we are in nature, my pack is placed and his water dish is set out, he will stay close by for days.
That night triggered the memory of the 'weird looking dog' we crossed paths earlier; it was the high pitched voice that came right under the hut. They were Jackels. I asked my hosts about it the next day and they confirmed my weird dog as a Jackel.
When I went back out to the remote hut. I called to Mycro because he was not in the hut. I saw a shadow move on my left near the edge of the small river. After that Mycro with his big smile comes trotting up, obviously super happy. Was he playing with the Jackel?
For the whole week, he was down at the river with the Jackels. I could not believe it once I saw everything. When I would come back to the hut, I would quietly spy on the river's edge. There he was, in plain view, with the 'weird looking dog'. They were around the same size.
When it was time to go home, Mycro threw a huge temper tantrum and would not leave the hut. I am sure he wanted to stay, not only because of the wild dog like friends, but it is nature; where he feels his best.
The 30 minute walk to the property was always peaceful.
At the cross road, before one would turn left and walk along my friend's property line, on this particular day a black dog stood there waiting for us. I thought to myself 'That's a weird looking dog' and then put it out of my mind. Mycro didn't have his normal reaction nor a reaction at all. He is afraid of other dogs and gets aggressive to scare them off. This time he didn't. We were on the homestretch and my mind was occupied with hugging my friends whom I hadn't seen in a while, so I did not analyze anything.
To settle Mycro in the hut that we would be staying at for the week, I needed to roll a log to the entrance in order for Mycro to jump up onto the platform that was almost 2 meters tall. His ability to settle and stay is amazing. As long as we are in nature, my pack is placed and his water dish is set out, he will stay close by for days.
That night triggered the memory of the 'weird looking dog' we crossed paths earlier; it was the high pitched voice that came right under the hut. They were Jackels. I asked my hosts about it the next day and they confirmed my weird dog as a Jackel.
When I went back out to the remote hut. I called to Mycro because he was not in the hut. I saw a shadow move on my left near the edge of the small river. After that Mycro with his big smile comes trotting up, obviously super happy. Was he playing with the Jackel?
For the whole week, he was down at the river with the Jackels. I could not believe it once I saw everything. When I would come back to the hut, I would quietly spy on the river's edge. There he was, in plain view, with the 'weird looking dog'. They were around the same size.
When it was time to go home, Mycro threw a huge temper tantrum and would not leave the hut. I am sure he wanted to stay, not only because of the wild dog like friends, but it is nature; where he feels his best.
Alm
Mycro is a deep feeling being.
Though continuing to post his story makes me cry every time, I must face this, continue to love him, honor him. (December 21, 2023)
Summer of 2021 we went South to the big walls. This is where Buddy Bear could show the multi verse who he really is! His character completely changed from sometimes grumpy to full time 'I'm having the best time of my life' happy wild dog!
I could see the age creeping up on him this trip. I knew it would come, but it's shocking when it does.
In the beginning of the trip he had a hard time getting up and over fallen trees. He would get the front end up but the back legs would not follow. He would do a walrus like version of getting over the log. With all the steep grade meter climbs, he was able to clear the logs with a jump by the end of our trip. If the terrane got dangerously steep and the trail turned into a washed out 3 meter vertical climb, Mycro would make a little Nrr Nrr sound and figure out how to go around and up. This was only if possible. There were areas where it was impossible to continue.
We made a tarp camp at a locked up hut next to the wall we wanted to climb. We were waiting for the weather to clear. The rock was wet and slimy. Myco enjoy himself. We would hike 800 meters down and back up to the huts on either sides of the top to visit friends, get a beer and do something to wait out the cold rain. I was slow, especially going down. My knees were not prepared for all the mountain climbing. Heiko would continue and wait for me to catch up at the hut. The dog did not like this! He made sounds like a wolf. Howling for me in a high pitched voice, it would echo off the rock face. I never heard these sounds before this trip. I was proud of my boy. I could tell how far off Heiko was by Mycro's howl. Sometimes his sweet smile would pop out from behind a tree all excited that he found me, then he would take off quickly down the trail.
The day came when we could climb but the approach was very dangerous for Mycro. It was loose shale close to a 50 meter cliff. No sure footing for the dog, especially at this point when his backend just could not keep up with the front. My idea was to leave him with our packs and his water and food dishes. Heiko was skeptical of this and was afraid the dog would get lost. I trusted in Mycro's training and expressed this feeling: he will stay. I gave him the command: stay, I will be back. That dog had so much courage! We climbed for 2 days this way. Mycro would stay with the packs in a secluded forest area until we came back. We would be gone for 10-12 hours. Each time, Mycro would find his hidden place where he could watch. The last day my knees hurt so much that Heiko went up the last meters to retrieve the dog. He was very happy to see Heiko but because I was not there, Mycro was not going anywhere even when the packs were taken down. I still had to climb that last bit to get to him. Funny boy, he needed reassurance from mommy. We were not finished for the night, will still wanted to make it back to the van that was 1200 meters below and hopefully stop off half way for a few beers. There's a photo of Mycro above when we were at the Alm for a beer. He is passing out hard, nodding his little head. I think we tired him out.
Though continuing to post his story makes me cry every time, I must face this, continue to love him, honor him. (December 21, 2023)
Summer of 2021 we went South to the big walls. This is where Buddy Bear could show the multi verse who he really is! His character completely changed from sometimes grumpy to full time 'I'm having the best time of my life' happy wild dog!
I could see the age creeping up on him this trip. I knew it would come, but it's shocking when it does.
In the beginning of the trip he had a hard time getting up and over fallen trees. He would get the front end up but the back legs would not follow. He would do a walrus like version of getting over the log. With all the steep grade meter climbs, he was able to clear the logs with a jump by the end of our trip. If the terrane got dangerously steep and the trail turned into a washed out 3 meter vertical climb, Mycro would make a little Nrr Nrr sound and figure out how to go around and up. This was only if possible. There were areas where it was impossible to continue.
We made a tarp camp at a locked up hut next to the wall we wanted to climb. We were waiting for the weather to clear. The rock was wet and slimy. Myco enjoy himself. We would hike 800 meters down and back up to the huts on either sides of the top to visit friends, get a beer and do something to wait out the cold rain. I was slow, especially going down. My knees were not prepared for all the mountain climbing. Heiko would continue and wait for me to catch up at the hut. The dog did not like this! He made sounds like a wolf. Howling for me in a high pitched voice, it would echo off the rock face. I never heard these sounds before this trip. I was proud of my boy. I could tell how far off Heiko was by Mycro's howl. Sometimes his sweet smile would pop out from behind a tree all excited that he found me, then he would take off quickly down the trail.
The day came when we could climb but the approach was very dangerous for Mycro. It was loose shale close to a 50 meter cliff. No sure footing for the dog, especially at this point when his backend just could not keep up with the front. My idea was to leave him with our packs and his water and food dishes. Heiko was skeptical of this and was afraid the dog would get lost. I trusted in Mycro's training and expressed this feeling: he will stay. I gave him the command: stay, I will be back. That dog had so much courage! We climbed for 2 days this way. Mycro would stay with the packs in a secluded forest area until we came back. We would be gone for 10-12 hours. Each time, Mycro would find his hidden place where he could watch. The last day my knees hurt so much that Heiko went up the last meters to retrieve the dog. He was very happy to see Heiko but because I was not there, Mycro was not going anywhere even when the packs were taken down. I still had to climb that last bit to get to him. Funny boy, he needed reassurance from mommy. We were not finished for the night, will still wanted to make it back to the van that was 1200 meters below and hopefully stop off half way for a few beers. There's a photo of Mycro above when we were at the Alm for a beer. He is passing out hard, nodding his little head. I think we tired him out.
Death
Only decades of meditation/concentration can prepare your for this moment, but that is all
The last photo taken of us together
What Heiko and I are going through is indescribable.
Personally, I have a warmth in the center of my chest and at the same time there is a black pit, a void full of horrific pain. One moment I am smiling full of joy while thinking of this incredible being. I reach out to pet his head, realize he is not there and burst out into tears. The time of death enters my mind and I want to scream out loud with emotions that I may never be able to describe. The worst is right before sleep when my mind is there at the moment of death.
My recommendation is to not push these feelings down, let them come. My other recommendation is not not allow yourself to replace your thoughts with something else, do not try and cover the images. Let them be. Honor and respect his life.
I woke up that morning early, though I was up all night, turning Mycro to make him more comfortable. I knew imediately our time together was at an end. I became completely focused, my mind did not wander through the whole 4 hour process. We layed together next to the heater, him on my chest so he can hear my heart beating. From time to time, I would use a warm wet cloth and gently caress his face, just like I did when he was a baby. He was peaceful, relaxed and loved. My hand never left him.
At the time of death I went completely numb, but still 100% focused. You have to go numb, because you absolutely need to stay calm and only flow love into your best friend. Not your own anguish. Your pain and suffering is the opposite of helping your friend. When I felt his heart was no longer beating, I began the Vedic death chant my teacher taught me decades before. I wrapped him in muslin, lit a candle, lit incense and sat at his feet continuing the chant. My teacher came to me, placed her hand on my left shoulder. It was as if she was telling me 'I told you so'. Her teaching was: attachment causes grief. She is correct. However, to purely love someone so strong and deep as I love Mycro is a life changing experience and I would never trade this experience in order to save myself grief.
I am honored, lucky and learned what real love is!
Thank you Mycro for your lifetime of teaching.
February 23, 2011 - November 30, 2023 (12:15pm)
Personally, I have a warmth in the center of my chest and at the same time there is a black pit, a void full of horrific pain. One moment I am smiling full of joy while thinking of this incredible being. I reach out to pet his head, realize he is not there and burst out into tears. The time of death enters my mind and I want to scream out loud with emotions that I may never be able to describe. The worst is right before sleep when my mind is there at the moment of death.
My recommendation is to not push these feelings down, let them come. My other recommendation is not not allow yourself to replace your thoughts with something else, do not try and cover the images. Let them be. Honor and respect his life.
I woke up that morning early, though I was up all night, turning Mycro to make him more comfortable. I knew imediately our time together was at an end. I became completely focused, my mind did not wander through the whole 4 hour process. We layed together next to the heater, him on my chest so he can hear my heart beating. From time to time, I would use a warm wet cloth and gently caress his face, just like I did when he was a baby. He was peaceful, relaxed and loved. My hand never left him.
At the time of death I went completely numb, but still 100% focused. You have to go numb, because you absolutely need to stay calm and only flow love into your best friend. Not your own anguish. Your pain and suffering is the opposite of helping your friend. When I felt his heart was no longer beating, I began the Vedic death chant my teacher taught me decades before. I wrapped him in muslin, lit a candle, lit incense and sat at his feet continuing the chant. My teacher came to me, placed her hand on my left shoulder. It was as if she was telling me 'I told you so'. Her teaching was: attachment causes grief. She is correct. However, to purely love someone so strong and deep as I love Mycro is a life changing experience and I would never trade this experience in order to save myself grief.
I am honored, lucky and learned what real love is!
Thank you Mycro for your lifetime of teaching.
February 23, 2011 - November 30, 2023 (12:15pm)
Greif
I have never experienced grief before. Besides love, grief is the most powerful emotion. In short: it sucks. There is no way around it. There is nothing anyone can say to you that would make the slightest difference. No one can share this sorrow with you. It’s a lonely emotion, it isolates you. I can talk about it but it does not change anything. And no, time passing will not change the feeling of grief. I lost my family, my best friend, my companion, my partner; my reason for living. This is the price that we pay when we truly love, but again, knowing this does not make grief any lighter. He is still teaching me how to grow as a being. I now know that love equals grief. They are the same and you can not have one without the other.
If you never know grief, you have never learned how to love.
If you never know grief, you have never learned how to love.